If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
