you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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