My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
