I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
