I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
