the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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