it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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