So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
