toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
