I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
