If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize