what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
