ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
