She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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