The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
