i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
