My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
