goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
