And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
