I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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