The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
