Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
