She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
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