Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
