I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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