How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
