Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
