You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
