Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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