You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
