Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
