oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
