Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
