so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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