yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
