It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
