I bet he comes in French.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
