Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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