o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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