Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
