Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
