I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
