I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
