I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
