Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
