mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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