1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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