and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
