so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
