Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
