I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
