i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
