worst night to have a conscience
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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