i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize