I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
