So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
