I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You pole danced in your parka.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
