I just cut my nipple shaving
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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