I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
