I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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