C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
