It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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