I wannas sexs uuuuu
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
