No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
