dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
