I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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