It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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