Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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